Category: Behind the Writing

In Every Heart Lies a (Super)Hero

X-Men fascinated me as a kid and remains my favorite comic to date. Here are a group of individuals whom the world hates and fears, and yet despite persecution, they continue to fight for a greater good. These heroes are a reflection of ourselves and what we aspire to be in times of need. Superheroes aren’t about powers, they’re about a hope of our own potential.

Superheroes aren’t about powers, they’re about a hope of our own potential

I grew up gay in the Northern woods of Maine. Let’s discuss growing up being hated, ostracized, and ridiculed. I was different even before I understood the word. I hid with comic books, receding into a world of fantastical stories, except, in the comics I read, those who were different didn’t hide. X-Men presented an alternative narrative, a window into another world in which I embraced my differences and stood up to injustice. The greatest moments in comics aren’t the use of adamantium claws or telekinesis, they’re the moments when the hero stood and said, “No more.”

I wanted to be a hero.

As an adolescent, I related most to X-Men’s Rogue. This young mutant discovers she has the ability to steal powers, but every time risks killing her victim. Stories revolved around her questioning this curse and how she wanted to be “normal.” Her teammates would ask why she would want to give up this gift, and as an adolescent, I sympathized with this quest for normalcy. But despite her internal struggle, she reluctantly fought to save the same world stoking her inner demons. The first time I threw a fist in school, it was to silence a bigot. My knuckles hurt and I left covered in bruises, but I walked away with a sense of pride. My differences made me a mark. My stature made me strong. For the first time, I let go of an internal struggle and felt the pieces of my identity fall into place. I started my quest to become a hero.

I continued to read comics as I formed my sense of self. I sympathized with Rogue’s desire for normalcy, but I started to see these differences as a strength. I started to see myself as Colossus, the soul of an artist with a moral compass always pointing North. Reluctant to take up arms, Piotr Rasputin used his gifts to protect his adopted family and make the world a better place. While my muscles may not be quite that large or my hide quite so steely, as an adult, I understand the struggle to do what’s right in the face adversity. As I read about firefighters rushing into burning buildings and police officers returning children to families, I see the world has heroes. We as a society look on wondering, “If I were in their shoes, could I be heroic?”

I spend copious amounts of time wondering about the legacy I will leave on the world when I die. I am a teacher by trade and each day I stand in front of a room filled with tiny potential villains. Some of my wards have discovered who they are, but for the most part, they are just beginning to explore who they may be for the rest of their lives. It’s not easy, and in the world we live in, there are so many screaming voices demanding they be one thing or another. In my classroom I am Charles Xavier, an individual demanding the best and giving them safe refuge from a world that quite frankly, needs to shut the fuck up. On most days, I feel like a useless employee, but every once in a while, I walk away feeling like a hero.

When I started writing, it was an outlet to poke fun at a job that made me miserable. My characters were comical and thrown into outlandish situations similar to the Scooby Doo and the gang. The Suburban Zombie Series isn’t a life changing piece of literature but a coping mechanism, an escape from a dull workplace into something more lively. It was while looking through notebook from middle school that I found comic scripts created by kids who were different. Sitting in a dining room drawing and writing away, they tried to make sense of a world where they didn’t quite fit in. Nighthawks is an homage to the heart of those kids. Even as I wrote the first book, I found myself caught in an internal struggle, one I’m not entirely proud of. I might be playing at hero, but not every fight was a victory.

I might be playing at hero, but not every fight was a victory.

I knew I wanted a diverse cast, a group of people that represented the melting pot of America. I made conscious choices, my point-of-view characters include two white men, an older white female, a hispanic female and a female gargoyle. The first round of writing had the characters all with similar backgrounds, but as I felt they looked like a white washed collection of identical storylines, they needed something beyond my personal experiences.

For the supporting cast, I decided to step outside my comfort zone with a Muslim female and a black male with Aspergers. Alyssa, a proud first generation Muslim American originally wore a “head scarf.” But as I worked my way through the first draft, I thought, if I were that young individual, one who wore a “head scarf,” what would I think? Is this the hero I’d want to look up to? I set aside the fear and delved into Muslim culture, learning all I could about the hijab and its representation. I was nervous. I still am. But I created a character, a hero that struggled to be an example for those like her.

Meanwhile, my main protagonist, loosely based on me, I shied away from for fear of being known as the “gay” author. I watered it down, fearful again of my own identity and the potential pressure of fans. In Nighthawks, Conthan and Dwayne are hinted at being gay, but I awkwardly let it slide, refusing to pick a clear path for them. I was able to hide behind a complex storyline and a long series of actions. But ultimately, I found myself thinking back to the reason I first read comics. Where was the hero I’d look up to? In Nighthawks, I hadn’t found him, in Night Shadows, I made sure it happened.

The man can tear open black holes and teleport. In the books he’s one of the most powerful men in the world. However, his abilities have never made him a hero. The moment he owned his uniqueness, I found myself respecting the man. More than respect, I found myself standing in his shoes asking myself, “Given the same circumstances, could I step up and be the hero he’s become?”

I am never entirely sure.

It’s about seeing our best selves on the page working through our fears to do what’s right

It’s never been about the powers. It’s about seeing our best selves on the page working through our fears to do what’s right. We watch these overwhelming odds, these injustices, and we read imagining that like the superheroes we follow, we could follow in their footsteps.

In our hearts, we hope we are the heroes.


The Night Quartet meets The Second Trilogy

I haven’t been writing. Scratch that. I haven’t been writing words worth keeping. I reached 12,000 words into Night Covenants before I realized I disliked one of the characters so much there was no redemption. Consider the arc the character needs to complete the series, I found myself deleting a lot of content. It’s just beyond my reach and I’m grasping. Like every book before when this is happening, I’ll continue writing until that moment of genius strikes me and I’ll be set. Until then, I’m ramble persistently.

Meanwhile, while I stumble in the dark looking my muse, I have completed proofing the audio edition of Night Shadows. Narrated by the always amazing Robin J. Sitten, I continue to be impressed. There is a magic the first time you hold a physical copy of your book, but even more amazing is the first time you hear somebody else read your words. In her sophomore production in the Children of Nostradamus Universe, Sitten continues to amaze and impress. I might be more excited for Book 2 over Book 1. I’m sure it will delight the masses. Now to start pestering her about availability for Book 3.

And while this won’t make a huge difference for fans, it does impact the future of the Children of Nostradamus Universe. I have decided to expand the universe and focus the next series on Eleanor P. Valentine, the psychic who serves as the catalyst for the Nighthawks. But because the books take place in the same universe I had to find some way to begin labeling them in a way that lets readers know what books belong to what series. The Children of Nostradamus will remain as the “universe” label, but Nighthawks, Night Shadows, Night Legions, and Night Covenants will become “The Night Quartet” and the first book in the new series, Second Sight will be book one in “The Sight Trilogy.” Not a big change for the reader, but it officially allows me to expand the universe. The Night Quartet might be coming to an end, but the Children of Nostradamus is far from done.

Now to begin plotting the next leg of this adventure. Stay frosty everybody.


A New Generation of Creativity is Coming

I get a random message from Kate Conway, “Want to be on a panel at this teen conference?” I haven’t done much in the way of cons or panels this year. But she’s energetic, it’s for teens, so I say sure.

Best possible decision.

The teens are working on presentation boards of their literary masterpieces and as I wander through checking them out, I can’t help but think, “Damn, these are good.” It’s always awkward being the old guy in the room, even more so when you decide at lunch to go sit with a group of teenagers. Pro Tip: Find the brightest colored hair and the kids with unusual hats. They’re always the most fun. It started awkward, but by the end, we were discussing gender politics, trans representation, and wielding teen angst as a powerful storytelling device. I happily read a lot of young adult by adults, but it’s always missing something unique. Listening to this group of four talk about their stories, it was apparent that teens themselves need to tell their stories.

The Cape Cod Teen Writer’s Conference was ran like a well oiled machine (No matter how much Kate Conway argues.) The panel had amazing questions, both thought-provoking and honest. I was happy to sit among K.R. Conway, Natasha Friend, Mick Carlon, Kathryn Knight, Katie Bareyl, Jim Hill, and Kristine Carlson Asselin. We talked about motivation, love of our characters, and what keeps us writing. The range from jazz inspired novels to erotica was discussed openly and truthfully. We didn’t talk genre politics, marketing, or publishing. It was a return to what turned us from writers to authors. I have to admit, it’s rare to see adults have that conversation with young people. I left energized and ready to go be a creator.

Listening to stories about alien superheroes and universe hopping explorers, I can say there is a wave of creators coming who have found new spins on stories to tell. If a young person in your life is interested in writing, foster this. School will steadily beat the creativity out of them and leave with a hatred for reading and writing. In such a heated world, it’s easy to be overwhelmed and those feelings need to be directed somewhere.

With all that being said, I’m back to writing. We have new audio in the Children of Nostradamus Series on the way, a new release with Night Legions and steadily working on Night Covenants. This series is going to end with a bang. I’m already choked up and I’ve barely gotten into the story. Stay tuned folks, it’s going to be a rollercoaster!


Children of Nostradamus Release Today

Children of Nostradamus
Morning Sun (Prequel)
Nighthawks
Night Shadows
Night Legions

I’m excited to announce that the newest book in the Children of Nostradamus Series, Night Legions, is now available on all major eBook retailers. This book will lead into the final chapter of the saga. Fans have spoken and the last book of this story arc will be titled, “Night Covenants,” and is expected to be released in the spring of 2019.

What is different about Night Legions from earlier books in the series?

Things have gotten dark for our heroes. Eleanor has been influencing the world up to this point and finally we start seeing her involvement come to a head. Forces join together and we get a glimpse at the cast as an ensemble for the first time. However, despite a minor victory in the story, each of the characters is forced to come to grips with their own mortality. A war has been brewing behind the scenes and now it’s come front and center and our heroes decide it is time to stop reacting and turn proactive.

How does the story change the Children of Nostradamus world?

Up to this point we’ve seen a war tearing apart the United States thanks to underhanded dealings by President Cecilia Joyce. For the first time we see the outward ripple. We meet important characters from Canada and are confronted by the global ramifications presented by this war. it also changes the very structure of the United States which will leave open a lot of possibilities for future stories. While it won’t be explored in the Children of Nostradamus, there are spin-off novels that will delve into this global world.

Were there any difficult moments writing this book? (Light Spoiler)

There were several moments in this novel that forced me to step away from the laptop. I’ve spent decades with some of these characters and for the first time, I realized not all of them are going to make it out alive. I joke about killing everybody in the book, but when death comes around, I was left feeling like I just got punched in the chest. The characters each represent a little piece of me, and while a death is inevitable in a series like this, it’s the remaining character’s reactions that I find most difficult. It’s like consoling the living at a funeral. The worst part is knowing some of the characters won’t recover.

Are there any new players we should be excited for?

My writing group had a thorough conversation about telepaths. Can two telepaths who speak different languages speak to one another? Would somebody who can read your thoughts let you speak or carry on a one-sided conversation? This conundrum allowed me to develop Azacca, a man with the ability to receive “radio” signals from people equipped with a transmitter. While he connects each of their minds into a hive mind, he is sometimes their collective voice, and other times his cohorts speak from them all. It required coming up with a way to explain his speech patterns and relate how he views the world. The uses for his abilities are vast and play strongly into the story.

Where do we go from here?

That is the question everybody is asking. We have all the answers and we know all the characters. Now it’s time to push through personal baggage and reach for the end goal. The grand loop that has been building is about to come full circle and we’ll finally see how the past and the present have been aligned in a way that will bring closure, but at what cost?

Fans of the story won’t have to wait long, the conclusion of the Children of Nostradamus will come about early next year. And for those who want more, no worries, another series set in the same world is in the works and will launch late next year. Character we’ve only started to discover will have much bigger plots and even grander tales. From the United Kingdom to Canada, the Children of Nostradamus are nowhere near being gone.


15 Random Facts: Welcome to the Weird

I don’t know why this has been stuck in my head all day. But I’ve been dwelling on random little tidbits about myself that others would find quirky or odd. What I discovered, I do some seriously weird shit. I’m sure I’ll have to revisit this list or continue expanding it, but for now, here are 15 little known random facts about me.

  1. For five years in college I listened to the same song, Are You Out There? by Dar Williams, every night going to sleep. My boyfriend at the time did not appreciate this.
  2. I wear a six fifteen 4E shoe. 16 if it’s a 2E.
  3. Run Lola Run is my favorite movie of all time, original German only.
  4. I spent three years reading every X-Men related comic. I haven’t read once since 2015.
  5. I use Miracle Whip & Mayonnaise equally.
  6. I was a creative writing major at my first college. A single professor made me hate it so much I wouldn’t write creatively again for seven years.
  7. I only honor my Scottish heritage despite being equal parts English, Irish and Scottish.
  8. I am both a youngest and only child. My brother Jason passed when I was three weeks old.
  9. I was raised by women while my father was overseas with the military. At one point I lived with my mother, Susan, grandmother, MiMi, and Great-grandmother, Mam.
  10. I have worked at BJ’s, Borders, a credit card company, an herbal viagra company, a tattoo parlor, and a gay travel agency.
  11. The first “story” I wrote in 1987 was on my father’s military laptop which came in a very large briefcase.
  12. I suffer from clinical insomnia and have since I was a teenager.
  13. I once wanted to be a crime scene photographer and have never been bothered by the sight of death.
  14. The tattoo on my leg reads, “Believe in me ’cause I don’t believe in anything, and I wanna be someone who believes.” Mr. Jones and Round Here by the Counting Crows are my favorite songs.
  15. I’ve probably seen Bring it On more than any other movie. I have a love for kickass cheerleaders.

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